“The 2005 crime drama really does feel like a snapshot of the Special Relationship: a heartwarming tale of an Ivy League nepotism baby who runs away to join a violent football gang in East London, starring Frodo Baggins and a Geordie lad who was discovered while drunk in a JD Sports.”

Yes, it's been panned as one of the worst book adaptations in living memory- but if you have the mental and physical wherewithal to kick back and slander Netflix’s take on Persuasion- Austen novel in hand, presumably on a chaise longue- this movie is simply not for you. It's for everyone else.

“I didn't want it to feel like a gimmick,” fretted Rory Kinnear of the “nine or ten” different characters he plays in Alex Garland’s latest horror, Men. “I don't want it to become an acting exercise or virtuoso kind of thing.” Such hand-wringing earnestness is what makes Kinnear such a perfect foil to his co-star, indie darling Jessie Buckley, in what could otherwise be another stodgy serving of A24 ‘folk-woke’.

"Much ink has been spilled on the role of Minions as a scapegoat for anti-capitalist and postcolonial trauma. I am about to spill a further litre or more."

"David Cronenberg's nasty, nasty piece of work was fomented a good two decades ago; depressingly, the auteur's trademark shock tactics have matured, like a fine wine, into a rather domesticated serving of middle-class hedonism."

“The ultra-violent flick, beloved of Tarantino and global box offices alike, played a pivotal role in destabilising the Confucian-esque image of the Asian man which predominated markets until, arguably, the rise of Henry Golding and Simu Liu. Like the best of Western culture, it hinges on one thing and one thing only: Catholicism.”